Rituals, Customs, Whatever

It's been an interesting week, which I have spent working on getting a mass flow controller hooked up to a vacuum chamber so I can get back into growing carbon nanotubes for a project that I haven't mentioned yet... but I'll do that another time.

The more important part, is that I've recently been talking to some people about how uncomfortable I've been in Japan when people are being just too polite.. it's something that is customary under certain circumstances, like when some certain middle aged or elder people treat guests or how some people deal with human interaction in general.

I was over at a friend's house last weekend for something interesting. I had the chance to listen to a Kabuki teacher and student do a short lesson/performance at a friend's place and dropped by. The family is obviously well off, the father is a doctor. I dropped in just after the lesson started (I wasn't late... my friend, Sachie, slept in while I was supposed to meet her in front of some 7-11 store). The mother was polite, excessively. She'd be on her knees bowing to the Kabuki sensei and stuff, I was cool with that, I've never been in that kind of situation before and thought that person was a really special person so I joined in with the on-the-knees-bowing mumbo-jumbo.

The teacher was real friendly, he showed me his music books and lent me one so I could follow along with the song. It's really old fashioned Japanese music, not something that I'd listen to (it's rather monotonic) but I'm all for new experiences. At the end of the lesson, after the teachers packed up and went. I stuck around for dinner, however it felt kind of odd; in the sense that Sachie and her mom was off in the kitchen fixing dinner while I hung out in the living room. I dropped into the kitchen looking for something to help with but there wasn't much for me to do.

Sachie brought out the food for me in very Japanese style (on the knees type) while I just kind of sat there because there wasn't much for me to do. I was feeling rather awkward about the thing; it just seemed strange to have a friend sort of waiting on me in their own home, I'd rather join in and help out.

There are many instances in Japan where people act all polite. It's sort of customary, since you can tell after a while where you notice people act in a similar way in certain circumstances. If you're a stranger in an office and someone bumps into you, they say something like "excuse me" using words that are exceptionally polite. They whip it off really fast too, like it's programmed into them.

For the young generation, those below their thirties this isn't a problem. But the formal part of Japanese life starts to take control once people start getting into their middle ages. The problem is that life starts to become more and more scripted when you just start to follow customs. Japan isn't unique in this respect. Think of the Feudal age in Europe with Lords, Knights, religious figures and more. It would be a (literal) disgrace to not follow custom when dealing with nobility. The only difference between modern Japan and the European Feudal age pretty much everyone is treated with the same sort of customary "grace." This is unfortunate because individual personality somewhat diminishes.

I met an American a while back in a semi-conductor tradeshow and he told me something that stuck in my mind ever since I heard it. His words were along the lines of "I might not be able to speak for all Japanese, but most of them are exceptionally polite, but they aren't entirely friendly." In a sense, this is a very good interpretation as to my opinions of the Japanese people. When you do get to know people intimately, however, they do become very friendly... but I'm going off on a tangent here.

The problem about being customary is that it doesn't necessarily have to represent the real feelings of a person. Watch some TV in Japan, there's probably some corporate problems going on, for example like a corporation not meeting profit expectations of the shareholders. The CEO resigns and the entire board comes out on TV makes a public apology then makes a solemn bow. A Japanese friend of mine I was talking to was telling me that most of it is an act.

That comment had an impact on me-- how do you determine the real feelings of a person? The solution to this problem is simple, you just watch what that person does.

A person is not reflected by the things they have to do but by the things they choose to do.

I believe this is true for understanding people in general, not just for looking at the Japanese. It is also true for finding love.