I have a massive music collection, I just finished doing a scan and there are nearly 20,000 files sitting around on my hard drive. I used to be fairly good at organizing and maintaining musical playlists, keeping up with the sheer volume of music and the occasional need to move them around on the HD, it is hard keeping playlist files up-to-date.
I have been a fan of online services of Pandora (when it was available internationally) and last.fm to find new music and through them, I have found plenty of non-mainstream artists that I would have never found while listening to the radio while driving in the car; I have considerably expanded my music collection as a result.
Relational Databases: Eggs and Tomatoes so Cakes and Tomatoes?
Maintaining music playlists is sort of like making a meal, some dishes go great together and other dishes don't. This is probably a challenging problem since you don't necessarily want to be mixing classical music with hard rock (unless you have something creative in mind).
As musical libraries get large, the combinatorics dealing with making suitable playlists get semi-exponentially hard. It's actually an n! (n-factorial problem) for those of you that have studies advanced mathematics. It makes natural sense that a computer would be useful in dealing with these kinds of problems. This is precisely the kind of itch that online music recommendation systems such as Pandora and last.fm are trying to scratch from a different angle. What these guys are trying to do is recommend you music that you *don't* have that would make a great addition to your music selection. If you end up buying the song, then they get a cut and make some money. The kind of problem that I want to solve is given a library of music, automatically generate a set of music that I would like to listen to. I am willing to bet that these guys realized the problem that I wanted to solve far earlier than I did and are trying to turn it into an online business.
Unfortunately, Pandora and last.fm are recommendation systems not services used to manage your musical collection. The next best thing that I've found so far is iTunes' "Genius," which I am experimenting with right now.
Though I do not know the exact mechanics of how "Genius" works, I do know that the system reads the ID3 tags of the song, giving album name, artist, genre and other information to make a guess as to what other songs that could be used to make a good playlist.
Without knowing anything about the science of playlist generation, I can propose at least one technique. The first is to use a Bayesian filter to as a first pass at a music playlist generator. If you can get access to the sequence of music that a person plays you could calculate the P(A|B) which means the probability of having song "A" played given that song "B" was played. Using this technique you could make a crude filtering mechanism. The interesting thing about this technique is that it is already used in spam filtering of e-mail by making a database of words that usually occur in a non-spam e-mail and comparing that against e-mails that comes into your mailbox. If the mail doesn't fit your "taste" it generally is labeled as spam and removed. Other techniques such as say a Markov chain is a variation of the Bayes filtering technique.
More advanced techniques actually analyze the song itself, identifying musical instruments, beats and style. I consider this a "hard problem" and would not want to touch this, but people from the Music Genome Project have been working on this problem, which was the kernel that gave birth to the Pandora online music service.
What I don't like about iTunes
After giving Genius a spin, I do like it. It's not 100% perfect but it is good at making playlists of standard music genres: Pop, Alternative/Rock, BritPop, House/Electornica and other fairly common mixes, however there it does miss some less common genres, like break-beat Jazz/Funk/Jazz-electronica kinds of mixes that I enjoy. There is also the problem that I would like to keep some music genres out of some mixes, say for Downbeat House/Electronica, I generally like to keep hard Trance/Techno out of the collection. But given a playlist, I can probably make minor tweaks to make it acceptable.
The other thing about iTunes I don't like is that it is slow and clunky-- it isn't as snappy as compared to the traditional music players like winamp I've used on Windows. I've also started using programs to start adding and fixing ID3 music information to match up with data stored in online CD databases online, which should make the auto playlist generation more effective. The programs I've been using are handy that they can also be used to automatically rename files to any format I like -> meaning if I had an album saved just as "track 01, track 02" it could be converted to "track number - artist - song name." I have done this with a lot of the data I have already, but the problem is that after renaming these files, file links in Genius get broken. Putting the renamed filenames into the database is easy, but the old entries still remain and I have had to do removal manually, which is a pain in the ass. Still looking for alternatives, but it's been an interesting journey into the world of automatically generated musical playlists.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Too much software/technology a bad thing?
I caught a cold starting last week. I took a day off of work on Thursday to head the cold off, unfortunately it got worse on Friday and I had work do be done. So instead, I am spending the weekend recovering. I can only sleep so much and since I can't go out and play, I am stuck at home awake with nothing to do. So I've had a lot of time to kill with writing.
This post comes off as a continuation of Sacha's post "Hacking the iPhone was inevitable." The iPhone and any electronic device running software is probably hackable. How far people go to hack hardware is deep.
I managed to meet the coordinator of CanSecWest before through some interesting connections. I regret that I am bad at keeping up with people so I am not in as close contact anymore with these guys. But there are people out there that know how to take the packaging off of a chip and analyze the memory contents of a chip using an scanning electron microscope. There are other neat hacks where code protection on some microprocessors can be disabled by heating up the chip to cause some bits to flip and the data to come out. Who knows what creative avenues hackers have to get at software and hardware.
The risks of getting hacked is now pervasive. There are now services in the US used to disable cars if people miss their car loan payments. A disgruntled former employee managed to deactivate 100 cars after being fired after remotely logging into his company's network.
So should we feel safe with software handling data or mechanical systems?
The biggest benefit and the biggest danger of software is its power to scale with its user base. It's only marginally more expensive for a computer to handle data for 100 people vs 1,000,000 people with the right infrastructure. The power for software to scale is what provides the capacity for our modern systems to perform work for us. If 1 server handles data for 100 people and gets taken down then it isn't a huge problem, but what if a server handling 1,000,000? The negative effects are also multiplied by scaling.
What we have here is a potential "black swan" kind of event where a usually reliable system (99.999%) breaks down just once over 4~5 years causing catastrophic damage. The black swan effect is what is used to describe what happened in the the recent US stock market crash, it can also be used to describe other events such as Chernobyl or the huge power outage that happened in Eastern North America many years ago. What modern society right now is in effect doing it putting all of its eggs into an electronic basket and we are expecting it to be very reliable.
A secret weapon out there that could selectively kill electronic devices in some huge blast radius (ie. War of the Worlds style) would be crippling, like a torpedo up the exhaust pipe of the Death Star.
Deciding how far we should rely on technology is an interesting question and the only best answer I can give is "what and how much are you willing to risk?" That is... if you know that you are taking a risk in the first place.
This post comes off as a continuation of Sacha's post "Hacking the iPhone was inevitable." The iPhone and any electronic device running software is probably hackable. How far people go to hack hardware is deep.
I managed to meet the coordinator of CanSecWest before through some interesting connections. I regret that I am bad at keeping up with people so I am not in as close contact anymore with these guys. But there are people out there that know how to take the packaging off of a chip and analyze the memory contents of a chip using an scanning electron microscope. There are other neat hacks where code protection on some microprocessors can be disabled by heating up the chip to cause some bits to flip and the data to come out. Who knows what creative avenues hackers have to get at software and hardware.
The risks of getting hacked is now pervasive. There are now services in the US used to disable cars if people miss their car loan payments. A disgruntled former employee managed to deactivate 100 cars after being fired after remotely logging into his company's network.
So should we feel safe with software handling data or mechanical systems?
The biggest benefit and the biggest danger of software is its power to scale with its user base. It's only marginally more expensive for a computer to handle data for 100 people vs 1,000,000 people with the right infrastructure. The power for software to scale is what provides the capacity for our modern systems to perform work for us. If 1 server handles data for 100 people and gets taken down then it isn't a huge problem, but what if a server handling 1,000,000? The negative effects are also multiplied by scaling.
What we have here is a potential "black swan" kind of event where a usually reliable system (99.999%) breaks down just once over 4~5 years causing catastrophic damage. The black swan effect is what is used to describe what happened in the the recent US stock market crash, it can also be used to describe other events such as Chernobyl or the huge power outage that happened in Eastern North America many years ago. What modern society right now is in effect doing it putting all of its eggs into an electronic basket and we are expecting it to be very reliable.
A secret weapon out there that could selectively kill electronic devices in some huge blast radius (ie. War of the Worlds style) would be crippling, like a torpedo up the exhaust pipe of the Death Star.
Deciding how far we should rely on technology is an interesting question and the only best answer I can give is "what and how much are you willing to risk?" That is... if you know that you are taking a risk in the first place.
Investing in and Filtering for People
The thing about moving about moving away from home is that it puts you out of reach of your old social network. It gets harder to stay in touch and interact with distance. And thus, one ends up making new friends and a new social network.
The thing about living as an expat abroad, most of the people I have close relations with are generally expats themselves. Living in a different country changes people, in the way they deal with a new culture and find acceptance (or reject it) for what it is. I have a great deal easier of a time relating to people that have lived abroad because of common experiences.
There are many quirks about Japanese culture that doesn't jive with me, these are broad generalizations of course... for example the Japanese tend to be shy about meeting other Japan. They run events differently here, in western culture if you have a home party, usually you just have invite people over and the introductions happen on their own. In Japan, that doesn't usually happen and depending on the event there is time set a time to introduce one's self to the entire group where there is one speaker and everyone else is speaking.
There are actually "group date dinners" where a girl invites her female friends out and a guy invites his guy friends out and they have dinner together to figure out who might get along with who. The whole notion of having a party where the focus is to "meet" people is artificial to me. So I've generally stayed out of those things, but I digress.
Some parts of their hierarchical social structure also doesn't fit with me since younger people are usually expected to be somewhat sub-servant to their elders in a semi-formal environment, even if they are just 1 or 2 years apart. They use their last names at work or at university and it gets confusing in a social setting since Japanese people use first names in a non-formal situations. However, even in a social setting, work or university related people still end up using their last names. This makes it a pain in the ass sometimes mixing work with one's social life. Then again, I am digressing again and this post is about social networks.
The problem about living as a foreigner in Japan is that the foreigner community is transient, everyone is coming and going. In about a year, you might end up losing half of your friends since they go back home or somewhere else. Not that it is a bad thing, because having friends around the world is a great thing. Most of the time, you just end up meeting new people to do things with.
Usually within the international community, the easiest way to meet people is through some event held by an expat. Western culture rules apply here and it is quite easy to meet and make friends from there, what happens is up to you. Most friends I do make is usually the result of these events and we stay in contact and call each other out when another event happens.
But when you get older, the idea of just hanging out gets old. When I was younger it was sort of the like that for me, and I would sometimes wonder why I was at some social event just bantering with people, because at the end of the day, it was just socializing.
A purposeful relationship with someone is being able to do something constructive together. Constructive could be teaching each other new skills, exchanging information, working on projects together, introducing each other to new resources or something along those lines. As generalized as it sounds, specific examples could be having someone to host a party with, passing each other information on new events that might be interesting, checking out a great restaurant that one of them might have heard off. I mentioned previously in a post talking about people as information filters.
Not only can we consider a network of "good" friends as a network of good information filters, they also form a symbiotic network supporting all nodes in the network. I believe that this was one of the key elements in the rise of social networks; the "internet 2.0" buzzword that we haven't been hearing from as of recent.
I believe that social networks have been on a decline as of recent. Many of the most popular community sites and social network pages have been losing value. I would argue that the potency of a social network is diluted as more and more people join, unless there is a mechanism to filter people from entering a network.
Sites that I can name off the top of my head that have become victims of this phenomena are Digg and Reddit, both are social bookmarking-esque sites, where people would submit links of interest and the most popular ones would be voted up. I never followed digg, but I was with Reddit since it was in its early phases, before it got popular. The quality of the links posted were really good, since the community was small and driven by fairly intellectual people who probably learned of this site through a startup network (Reddit was a startup at first). Reddit links used to consist of a set of links to startup, economic and international related news. I found this site to be very educational in its early stage.
After several years and growing popularity, mainstream internet users started using the site and more general links were being submitted and as a result the quality of links (relative to me) started to decline as I didn't care much of the latest internet meme, funny picture or what not. The power of the old community was eventually diluted by mainstream internet users.
Fortunately, reddit started to create sub-groups which has started to filter people by field of interest. Though I think there are still too many people on the site. Reddit is also a good driver of traffic so I would also expect people with financial interest in popularizing their sites be gaming the system to make their links popular by resubmission and other underhanded tactics. Thus the quality of social networking sites declines with increasing user base.
I believe that there was an argument that "the collective IQ of a group decreases with more people" and this is probably what is in play here. Knowing how to maintain value in a social network requires skill in isolating the valuable parts and blocking off the rest of the noise.
This applies as much to the online world as it does to real life. The problem I face is social capital dilution-- because most of my meetings with people have been at large events. This problem is amplified even more after coming to Toyko the people I know are scattered all over the place, making it harder to meet on a regular basis, thus making large parties the most "efficient" way of catching up with everyone.
The end result is that I need to become more active in being more selective in the people I meet and for what purpose. This will be an interesting thought to try.
The thing about living as an expat abroad, most of the people I have close relations with are generally expats themselves. Living in a different country changes people, in the way they deal with a new culture and find acceptance (or reject it) for what it is. I have a great deal easier of a time relating to people that have lived abroad because of common experiences.
There are many quirks about Japanese culture that doesn't jive with me, these are broad generalizations of course... for example the Japanese tend to be shy about meeting other Japan. They run events differently here, in western culture if you have a home party, usually you just have invite people over and the introductions happen on their own. In Japan, that doesn't usually happen and depending on the event there is time set a time to introduce one's self to the entire group where there is one speaker and everyone else is speaking.
There are actually "group date dinners" where a girl invites her female friends out and a guy invites his guy friends out and they have dinner together to figure out who might get along with who. The whole notion of having a party where the focus is to "meet" people is artificial to me. So I've generally stayed out of those things, but I digress.
Some parts of their hierarchical social structure also doesn't fit with me since younger people are usually expected to be somewhat sub-servant to their elders in a semi-formal environment, even if they are just 1 or 2 years apart. They use their last names at work or at university and it gets confusing in a social setting since Japanese people use first names in a non-formal situations. However, even in a social setting, work or university related people still end up using their last names. This makes it a pain in the ass sometimes mixing work with one's social life. Then again, I am digressing again and this post is about social networks.
The problem about living as a foreigner in Japan is that the foreigner community is transient, everyone is coming and going. In about a year, you might end up losing half of your friends since they go back home or somewhere else. Not that it is a bad thing, because having friends around the world is a great thing. Most of the time, you just end up meeting new people to do things with.
Usually within the international community, the easiest way to meet people is through some event held by an expat. Western culture rules apply here and it is quite easy to meet and make friends from there, what happens is up to you. Most friends I do make is usually the result of these events and we stay in contact and call each other out when another event happens.
But when you get older, the idea of just hanging out gets old. When I was younger it was sort of the like that for me, and I would sometimes wonder why I was at some social event just bantering with people, because at the end of the day, it was just socializing.
A purposeful relationship with someone is being able to do something constructive together. Constructive could be teaching each other new skills, exchanging information, working on projects together, introducing each other to new resources or something along those lines. As generalized as it sounds, specific examples could be having someone to host a party with, passing each other information on new events that might be interesting, checking out a great restaurant that one of them might have heard off. I mentioned previously in a post talking about people as information filters.
Not only can we consider a network of "good" friends as a network of good information filters, they also form a symbiotic network supporting all nodes in the network. I believe that this was one of the key elements in the rise of social networks; the "internet 2.0" buzzword that we haven't been hearing from as of recent.
I believe that social networks have been on a decline as of recent. Many of the most popular community sites and social network pages have been losing value. I would argue that the potency of a social network is diluted as more and more people join, unless there is a mechanism to filter people from entering a network.
Sites that I can name off the top of my head that have become victims of this phenomena are Digg and Reddit, both are social bookmarking-esque sites, where people would submit links of interest and the most popular ones would be voted up. I never followed digg, but I was with Reddit since it was in its early phases, before it got popular. The quality of the links posted were really good, since the community was small and driven by fairly intellectual people who probably learned of this site through a startup network (Reddit was a startup at first). Reddit links used to consist of a set of links to startup, economic and international related news. I found this site to be very educational in its early stage.
After several years and growing popularity, mainstream internet users started using the site and more general links were being submitted and as a result the quality of links (relative to me) started to decline as I didn't care much of the latest internet meme, funny picture or what not. The power of the old community was eventually diluted by mainstream internet users.
Fortunately, reddit started to create sub-groups which has started to filter people by field of interest. Though I think there are still too many people on the site. Reddit is also a good driver of traffic so I would also expect people with financial interest in popularizing their sites be gaming the system to make their links popular by resubmission and other underhanded tactics. Thus the quality of social networking sites declines with increasing user base.
I believe that there was an argument that "the collective IQ of a group decreases with more people" and this is probably what is in play here. Knowing how to maintain value in a social network requires skill in isolating the valuable parts and blocking off the rest of the noise.
This applies as much to the online world as it does to real life. The problem I face is social capital dilution-- because most of my meetings with people have been at large events. This problem is amplified even more after coming to Toyko the people I know are scattered all over the place, making it harder to meet on a regular basis, thus making large parties the most "efficient" way of catching up with everyone.
The end result is that I need to become more active in being more selective in the people I meet and for what purpose. This will be an interesting thought to try.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Reinveting one's self
I am sick, pumped up on medicine and drinking a home brew fruit punch with sake mixed in. Suffice to say that my thoughts are a little more fluid and out of control as usual, but I will take it as a good thing, because it is a good thing to let loose once in a while.
If someone asked me what my biggest weakness was, I'd have to say that I am too accommodating. There is an innate nature (whether if it is genetic or nurtured) that expects myself to fulfill the expectations of other people. In general, I think it is a general Asian weakness, more so a Japanese one? A Chinese one? I am not sure, but it is something that most of us Asian kids have to end up dealing with --> dealing with the academic expectations of our parents. Most of us that do well academically are the ones that know how to jump the hoops and please our teachers and parents. But I gotta say, the ones that only know how to jump the hoops and play the tricks end up turning into a bunch of wusses.
I believe it because I think I am one.
By most standards, I would consider myself largely successful. I got accepted into a pretty good university and graduated out of one of their most demanding undergraduate departments, with distinction. UBC is ranked in the 35th out of all the universities in the world.
I would eventually get a shit job cutting out clouds from satellite images and then proceeded to look for other opportunities. I eventually would find a scholarship to Japan, with all university expenses paid and a monthly living allowance. I would be 1 out of 13 students accepted into this program to head to Japan and land into one of their top 5 universities for Engineering and one of the best labs for Microsystems research. I would develop and publish research results for an electron beam gun with the lowest turn on voltage published in literature I could find at that time.
By most standards, yeah I guess I am successful, but I did a lot of this by giving people what they wanted. I followed the rules and played by the book, produced what I had to do. Looking back at it, it might feel like being a dog knowing to do tricks.
As a kid, I used to play music and had to audition to get into bands. It's kind of interesting to realize that by the age of 13 I was learning interviewing skills and started figuring out the kinds of answers these interviewers were looking for. It's a system to be gamed, really. All you had to know is what the person in front of you wants and you give it to them. I've sent a friend on a 1 year scholarship exchange to France because I knew how to set her application up right and I am doing it again to land her a job in a research institute in France.
And that's the problem with the thing. I've been trained like a monkey to produce for the demands of other people. I wouldn't consider it completely a bad thing, but it's unbalanced. Why?
Where is the "me" in this? Where is the "I" in this fucking equation? And that is the problem.
I've been mulling over a section from the book The Art of Seduction I've mostly finished reading but got bored because it was a repeat of a similar story over and over again. Basically the author generalizes "seducers" or character archetypes into several categories and provides a sort description of their strengths and weaknesses.
From the book, I could describe myself from the "The Charismatic" archetype, a person that knows the right things to say and attains a level of popularity from it. I work well in public environments and would consider myself an extrovert, well, that was while I was in Canada. The human dynamics of people between Japanese and Canadian culture is different so my skills don't entirely apply here so I am far more introverted in Japan. But, continuing on...
As the book would go on to describe, the greatest weakness of a charismatic person has is with dealing with people that simply don't give a damn. The book describes these people as "the rake" but I feel that "rogue" would be a better title for a person with these qualities.
These bastards know only what they want and are out to get what they want. They don't care to be pleased and if you are in their way, prepared to get removed unless you put up a fight.
The last time I got pushed over by one of these guys was when they were after a girl I met at a party. Sure they were friendly when we weren't "competing" when we had conflicting interests, but when it came down to their priority of getting the girl, "superficial friendship" was something easy to toss for them. No amount of charm, discussion or whatever was going to convince them otherwise. I have a sinking feeling that in the higher echelons of politics and business are polluted with these people. For these people are Alpha, people that use and wield power for their own purposes. The accommodating nice guy/person would generally get their asses handed to them because of these people.
Many a movie has been made with this plot line.
Revenge of the Nerds
There is a joke out there that went something like this...
"I might be ugly but you're stupid, but at least there's plastic surgery"
I believe that I've only been playing with half a hand of cards. One half is knowing how to please people and gain support through that, the other half is knowing how to go at it on your own if you have to. There are some serious assholes out there that play with the opposite hand that I carry. The ideal would be a combination of both.
I've lived in Sendai for about 3 years and moved to Tokyo. Tokyo and Sendai are relatively polite places, but move out further west to Osaka, people are way more self-centric, which may appear to be very un-Japanese. Even the Japanese consider western Japan to be almost another country because of the big differences in thinking. I've had to deal with some of them on the phone and I can already tell the difference.
Unfortunately for me is that I've been living in the accommodating parts of Japan for a little to long and it's had a bad impact on me. This is going to have to change and I am going to start aiming to become more assertive, but without crossing the line of becoming an ass. When asserted, I want to command respect when I speak.
When I was younger, I made a decision that I didn't want to be "cool" because I didn't like cool people when I was younger. They seemed shallow, relying on their social status as a source of power and popularity. People tried to please them and their approval would be like something of a boss giving someone a promotion. They had the power and they didn't have to give a damn. I didn't care for being judged by other people like this and stuck to my own world of whatever the hell it was I existed in.
When the era of the jockeys and "cool" people ended from grade school as we walked into university, the playing field was considerably leveled and I wasn't as limited in my options anymore. I chose not to become "cool" because of my distaste for it and I disliked the notion of attaining social power because I felt it was corrupting. However, there are things that I realize I am at a loss for, such as knowing how to handle power if given it in the first place.
In the work place, I am sort of like a boss to several people that work under me, and I am starting to realize that my ability to give orders is somewhat undermined by my inability to take a controlling position as I have a tendency to treat people as equals. In other words, I might be their boss, but they are less willing to take orders from me, especially when it comes to doing tedious but necessary tasks. As much as I might hate it, some parts of being a good leader is knowing how to handle power and give orders.
My vision of leadership was never like this before because I believed in working with people with similar level of skill and leadership would be diplomatic coordination or a person with a vision that everyone else believed in. Not simply giving and taking orders... and so is my welcome to the corporate world.
The world is more diverse than I first realized because of the bubble I existed in. I've slowly stepped out of it and will need to shift my perceptions and acquire new skills to deal with it.
If someone asked me what my biggest weakness was, I'd have to say that I am too accommodating. There is an innate nature (whether if it is genetic or nurtured) that expects myself to fulfill the expectations of other people. In general, I think it is a general Asian weakness, more so a Japanese one? A Chinese one? I am not sure, but it is something that most of us Asian kids have to end up dealing with --> dealing with the academic expectations of our parents. Most of us that do well academically are the ones that know how to jump the hoops and please our teachers and parents. But I gotta say, the ones that only know how to jump the hoops and play the tricks end up turning into a bunch of wusses.
I believe it because I think I am one.
By most standards, I would consider myself largely successful. I got accepted into a pretty good university and graduated out of one of their most demanding undergraduate departments, with distinction. UBC is ranked in the 35th out of all the universities in the world.
I would eventually get a shit job cutting out clouds from satellite images and then proceeded to look for other opportunities. I eventually would find a scholarship to Japan, with all university expenses paid and a monthly living allowance. I would be 1 out of 13 students accepted into this program to head to Japan and land into one of their top 5 universities for Engineering and one of the best labs for Microsystems research. I would develop and publish research results for an electron beam gun with the lowest turn on voltage published in literature I could find at that time.
By most standards, yeah I guess I am successful, but I did a lot of this by giving people what they wanted. I followed the rules and played by the book, produced what I had to do. Looking back at it, it might feel like being a dog knowing to do tricks.
As a kid, I used to play music and had to audition to get into bands. It's kind of interesting to realize that by the age of 13 I was learning interviewing skills and started figuring out the kinds of answers these interviewers were looking for. It's a system to be gamed, really. All you had to know is what the person in front of you wants and you give it to them. I've sent a friend on a 1 year scholarship exchange to France because I knew how to set her application up right and I am doing it again to land her a job in a research institute in France.
And that's the problem with the thing. I've been trained like a monkey to produce for the demands of other people. I wouldn't consider it completely a bad thing, but it's unbalanced. Why?
Where is the "me" in this? Where is the "I" in this fucking equation? And that is the problem.
I've been mulling over a section from the book The Art of Seduction I've mostly finished reading but got bored because it was a repeat of a similar story over and over again. Basically the author generalizes "seducers" or character archetypes into several categories and provides a sort description of their strengths and weaknesses.
From the book, I could describe myself from the "The Charismatic" archetype, a person that knows the right things to say and attains a level of popularity from it. I work well in public environments and would consider myself an extrovert, well, that was while I was in Canada. The human dynamics of people between Japanese and Canadian culture is different so my skills don't entirely apply here so I am far more introverted in Japan. But, continuing on...
As the book would go on to describe, the greatest weakness of a charismatic person has is with dealing with people that simply don't give a damn. The book describes these people as "the rake" but I feel that "rogue" would be a better title for a person with these qualities.
These bastards know only what they want and are out to get what they want. They don't care to be pleased and if you are in their way, prepared to get removed unless you put up a fight.
The last time I got pushed over by one of these guys was when they were after a girl I met at a party. Sure they were friendly when we weren't "competing" when we had conflicting interests, but when it came down to their priority of getting the girl, "superficial friendship" was something easy to toss for them. No amount of charm, discussion or whatever was going to convince them otherwise. I have a sinking feeling that in the higher echelons of politics and business are polluted with these people. For these people are Alpha, people that use and wield power for their own purposes. The accommodating nice guy/person would generally get their asses handed to them because of these people.
Many a movie has been made with this plot line.
Revenge of the Nerds
There is a joke out there that went something like this...
"I might be ugly but you're stupid, but at least there's plastic surgery"
I believe that I've only been playing with half a hand of cards. One half is knowing how to please people and gain support through that, the other half is knowing how to go at it on your own if you have to. There are some serious assholes out there that play with the opposite hand that I carry. The ideal would be a combination of both.
I've lived in Sendai for about 3 years and moved to Tokyo. Tokyo and Sendai are relatively polite places, but move out further west to Osaka, people are way more self-centric, which may appear to be very un-Japanese. Even the Japanese consider western Japan to be almost another country because of the big differences in thinking. I've had to deal with some of them on the phone and I can already tell the difference.
Unfortunately for me is that I've been living in the accommodating parts of Japan for a little to long and it's had a bad impact on me. This is going to have to change and I am going to start aiming to become more assertive, but without crossing the line of becoming an ass. When asserted, I want to command respect when I speak.
When I was younger, I made a decision that I didn't want to be "cool" because I didn't like cool people when I was younger. They seemed shallow, relying on their social status as a source of power and popularity. People tried to please them and their approval would be like something of a boss giving someone a promotion. They had the power and they didn't have to give a damn. I didn't care for being judged by other people like this and stuck to my own world of whatever the hell it was I existed in.
When the era of the jockeys and "cool" people ended from grade school as we walked into university, the playing field was considerably leveled and I wasn't as limited in my options anymore. I chose not to become "cool" because of my distaste for it and I disliked the notion of attaining social power because I felt it was corrupting. However, there are things that I realize I am at a loss for, such as knowing how to handle power if given it in the first place.
In the work place, I am sort of like a boss to several people that work under me, and I am starting to realize that my ability to give orders is somewhat undermined by my inability to take a controlling position as I have a tendency to treat people as equals. In other words, I might be their boss, but they are less willing to take orders from me, especially when it comes to doing tedious but necessary tasks. As much as I might hate it, some parts of being a good leader is knowing how to handle power and give orders.
My vision of leadership was never like this before because I believed in working with people with similar level of skill and leadership would be diplomatic coordination or a person with a vision that everyone else believed in. Not simply giving and taking orders... and so is my welcome to the corporate world.
The world is more diverse than I first realized because of the bubble I existed in. I've slowly stepped out of it and will need to shift my perceptions and acquire new skills to deal with it.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The power of writing
Many people underestimate the power of being a good writer. As the age old adage goes, "the pen is mightier than the sword" and it is just as true now as it was first uttered.
I am now helping a Japanese friend on writing her resume and fortunate for her, she is an incredibly accomplished person (though she doesn't realize it), holder of several scholarships, awards and active in a variety of community projects, I was sent an incredibly sad looking resume saying something to the effect of "I am a hard worker and I would like to apply to this foreign position."
Apparently she also blurred the concept of a resume with a cover letter which weakened things considerably. Participating in the COOP program in university honestly paid off in spades as I am very aware of how resumes are read and what should be highlighted. The first version of the resume was immediately trashed and I've highlighted all of her special achievements and important contributions/results as these are the things that as an interviewer exactly wants to know; what makes you standout compared to everyone.
It's one thing to have good content and it is another to know how to present it well, but having both is very important. I've already managed to get her a 1 year scholarship to France by fixing her cover letter (and her prof's recommendation letter) to make a strong application package and hopefully I'll have have her accepted into some research company abroad if things work out. Knowing that I can pull these things off for other people is kind of fun. I just wonder what kind of value would a good technical writing market for students or Japanese people dealing with foreign relations is out there because having a good editor/writer in their pocket can make a huge difference (and we all know about Japanese "Engrish").
I should be glad that I'm practiced at writing application letters, I guess I did learn something from University after all.
I am now helping a Japanese friend on writing her resume and fortunate for her, she is an incredibly accomplished person (though she doesn't realize it), holder of several scholarships, awards and active in a variety of community projects, I was sent an incredibly sad looking resume saying something to the effect of "I am a hard worker and I would like to apply to this foreign position."
Apparently she also blurred the concept of a resume with a cover letter which weakened things considerably. Participating in the COOP program in university honestly paid off in spades as I am very aware of how resumes are read and what should be highlighted. The first version of the resume was immediately trashed and I've highlighted all of her special achievements and important contributions/results as these are the things that as an interviewer exactly wants to know; what makes you standout compared to everyone.
It's one thing to have good content and it is another to know how to present it well, but having both is very important. I've already managed to get her a 1 year scholarship to France by fixing her cover letter (and her prof's recommendation letter) to make a strong application package and hopefully I'll have have her accepted into some research company abroad if things work out. Knowing that I can pull these things off for other people is kind of fun. I just wonder what kind of value would a good technical writing market for students or Japanese people dealing with foreign relations is out there because having a good editor/writer in their pocket can make a huge difference (and we all know about Japanese "Engrish").
I should be glad that I'm practiced at writing application letters, I guess I did learn something from University after all.
Monday, March 22, 2010
I am terrible at shopping for clothes
I usually do my shopping from a utilitarian + price mizer point of view, if it can get the job done and it's cheap then I'll buy it.
This philisophy when it comes to shopping has probably saved me vast amounts of money as I am either certain about my needs or what I can live without and aim for something that fits in an "acceptable" price target.
I feel that I have made many good decisions in the past where I have decided against buying a car or living with roommates in a shared apartment and saving cash to use for other purposes. When it comes to shopping for things that lie outside of the world of price/performance comparison I might be a total cluts.
The company dorm which I live in, has communal washer and driers that everyone uses. I don't know exactly how, but I have had several pants get tears in them in very conspicuous places, namely in the butt (and no, it isn't me getting fat, really).
With me running out of wearable pants to wear, I've decided to head out to do some clothing shopping today, which is something that I rarely do. I wear most of my clothes until raggedy and then contemplate on buying something new. Generally, the only time I do buy clothes is when I make a visit back to Canada since I don't understand Japanese fashion too much and I like plain looking clothing. I do keep some nice clothing around for special events, however, but I am going on a tangent.
There are at least 2 points of weaknesses for me when it comes to shopping for clothes in Japan. First is that I don't know the brands or the stores out here all that well. I know just maybe just 3 by name and that is about it and the second is that given 2 pairs of pants, one of them being designer and a no-name brand. I generally opt for the no-name brand so long as I like the style and it is comfortable.
As of recent, I have had several of my female friends mention that I would look way better if I bought some nicer/fancier clothing. I have decided that it would be interesting to see what would happen if I did end up trying a few new styles.
In general, the price target for pants for me is in the $20~$30 range and generally the same things for sweaters. Only in rare cases when I do really like something that I will consider going upwards to maybe $45~$60 for a shirt, but that is only in rare cases.
The thing is that given 2 shirts, when the both of them provide for similar functionality (as in keeping me warm/clothes/or from breaking public nudity laws) I don't see a huge difference between them, I might like one style a little more than another but I generally can't justify myself paying close to 2x or even 3~4x in some cases for fabric that has been cut differently. Is it because it's been cut and put together differently that it is say 2x~3x more good looking as the price implies? What about the differences in material, is there that big of a difference?
To be honest, I have nearly no clue when it comes to clothing as my purchasing decisions come down to:
1. Is it the right price?
2. Does it look fashionably acceptable to me?
3. Is it comfortable?
I spent an entire afternoon going around to different shops looking at clothing. After spending 4 hours of looking around, I managed to buy a single pair of pants and that was about it.
I also checked out some designer looking stores and the one thing that struck me was that the clothing sold there is amazingly expensive. I would not fathom myself spending $120 for a pair of pants, $80 for a shirt and maybe $150 for a jacket. That would easily put the price tag of a single set of clothing at about $450 and this is only a single set of clothing we are talking about here! Sure the material looks a little nicer, but to me I just can't justify the price. For that kind of money, I'd rather save it and spend it on traveling or something else.
For the time being though, I am going to try and read up on clothing to try and figure out why there might be such a big price difference. A micro-fiber t-shirt vs a cotton one, sure I might be able to understand that (I love my micro-fiber shirt for sports and outdoor activities) but for other stuff, I haven't a clue.
This philisophy when it comes to shopping has probably saved me vast amounts of money as I am either certain about my needs or what I can live without and aim for something that fits in an "acceptable" price target.
I feel that I have made many good decisions in the past where I have decided against buying a car or living with roommates in a shared apartment and saving cash to use for other purposes. When it comes to shopping for things that lie outside of the world of price/performance comparison I might be a total cluts.
The company dorm which I live in, has communal washer and driers that everyone uses. I don't know exactly how, but I have had several pants get tears in them in very conspicuous places, namely in the butt (and no, it isn't me getting fat, really).
With me running out of wearable pants to wear, I've decided to head out to do some clothing shopping today, which is something that I rarely do. I wear most of my clothes until raggedy and then contemplate on buying something new. Generally, the only time I do buy clothes is when I make a visit back to Canada since I don't understand Japanese fashion too much and I like plain looking clothing. I do keep some nice clothing around for special events, however, but I am going on a tangent.
There are at least 2 points of weaknesses for me when it comes to shopping for clothes in Japan. First is that I don't know the brands or the stores out here all that well. I know just maybe just 3 by name and that is about it and the second is that given 2 pairs of pants, one of them being designer and a no-name brand. I generally opt for the no-name brand so long as I like the style and it is comfortable.
As of recent, I have had several of my female friends mention that I would look way better if I bought some nicer/fancier clothing. I have decided that it would be interesting to see what would happen if I did end up trying a few new styles.
In general, the price target for pants for me is in the $20~$30 range and generally the same things for sweaters. Only in rare cases when I do really like something that I will consider going upwards to maybe $45~$60 for a shirt, but that is only in rare cases.
The thing is that given 2 shirts, when the both of them provide for similar functionality (as in keeping me warm/clothes/or from breaking public nudity laws) I don't see a huge difference between them, I might like one style a little more than another but I generally can't justify myself paying close to 2x or even 3~4x in some cases for fabric that has been cut differently. Is it because it's been cut and put together differently that it is say 2x~3x more good looking as the price implies? What about the differences in material, is there that big of a difference?
To be honest, I have nearly no clue when it comes to clothing as my purchasing decisions come down to:
1. Is it the right price?
2. Does it look fashionably acceptable to me?
3. Is it comfortable?
I spent an entire afternoon going around to different shops looking at clothing. After spending 4 hours of looking around, I managed to buy a single pair of pants and that was about it.
I also checked out some designer looking stores and the one thing that struck me was that the clothing sold there is amazingly expensive. I would not fathom myself spending $120 for a pair of pants, $80 for a shirt and maybe $150 for a jacket. That would easily put the price tag of a single set of clothing at about $450 and this is only a single set of clothing we are talking about here! Sure the material looks a little nicer, but to me I just can't justify the price. For that kind of money, I'd rather save it and spend it on traveling or something else.
For the time being though, I am going to try and read up on clothing to try and figure out why there might be such a big price difference. A micro-fiber t-shirt vs a cotton one, sure I might be able to understand that (I love my micro-fiber shirt for sports and outdoor activities) but for other stuff, I haven't a clue.
Momentum
"An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force." - Newton's first law of motion
As with moving bodies, newton's first law also seems to apply to life in motion; to those that are active, to those in inaction, or to those that need a change in vector.
One thing that I miss is being around creative technologists- people that like to do interesting things with technology. For the work environment I exist in, I just haven't been seeing the level of creativity that I want to see. Maybe it's the maturity level of the project that I've been working on but still, I haven't been able to take part to produce something with some level of personal creative satisfaction.
Some of the most fun projects I've worked on were simple things on my off hours with friends or on my own. More of like a dabbler but I would like to dedicate more time to learning how to do certain things with a professional flare maybe sometimes in the future. But usually, most of the best ideas I've seen have come out from people working in their garage to scratch some kind of itch, whether be it necessary, a nice to have or just a product if interest.
Many of the biggest technological hits, paradigm shifts or "the next big thing" have come from people working in their basement not knowing how things may turn out.
I laugh at news anchors trying to figure out the random video chat site at chatroulette. It is a big hit among young people. The only thing that the "older crowd" has to say is that there are lots of strange people out there and that it could be dangerous. The thing is for the older generation is that whatever they don't understand is usually labled as dangerous by them.
Large corporations and society faces the same problem, in that it is run by old people with old ideas. I'll give credit where it is due: in that they know how things worked and how to keep the status quo. These people are set in their ways and are moving in a certain direction.
The nice thing about being young is that we don't have any preconceptions about how things should be. We just don't know and when it comes to doing something, we generally end up trying to reinvent the wheel and sometimes we walk away with a completely new kind of wheel during the process. I think that is the power of youth that should be cherished instead of beaten out by our "societal system."
I found a musical duo that I really enjoy just because of it's "made at home" yet professional feel. And old piano and anything they have on them to turn into musical instruments. If you have time, check them out and their other songs. I love this kind of youth. More power to them.
As with moving bodies, newton's first law also seems to apply to life in motion; to those that are active, to those in inaction, or to those that need a change in vector.
One thing that I miss is being around creative technologists- people that like to do interesting things with technology. For the work environment I exist in, I just haven't been seeing the level of creativity that I want to see. Maybe it's the maturity level of the project that I've been working on but still, I haven't been able to take part to produce something with some level of personal creative satisfaction.
Some of the most fun projects I've worked on were simple things on my off hours with friends or on my own. More of like a dabbler but I would like to dedicate more time to learning how to do certain things with a professional flare maybe sometimes in the future. But usually, most of the best ideas I've seen have come out from people working in their garage to scratch some kind of itch, whether be it necessary, a nice to have or just a product if interest.
Many of the biggest technological hits, paradigm shifts or "the next big thing" have come from people working in their basement not knowing how things may turn out.
I laugh at news anchors trying to figure out the random video chat site at chatroulette. It is a big hit among young people. The only thing that the "older crowd" has to say is that there are lots of strange people out there and that it could be dangerous. The thing is for the older generation is that whatever they don't understand is usually labled as dangerous by them.
Large corporations and society faces the same problem, in that it is run by old people with old ideas. I'll give credit where it is due: in that they know how things worked and how to keep the status quo. These people are set in their ways and are moving in a certain direction.
The nice thing about being young is that we don't have any preconceptions about how things should be. We just don't know and when it comes to doing something, we generally end up trying to reinvent the wheel and sometimes we walk away with a completely new kind of wheel during the process. I think that is the power of youth that should be cherished instead of beaten out by our "societal system."
I found a musical duo that I really enjoy just because of it's "made at home" yet professional feel. And old piano and anything they have on them to turn into musical instruments. If you have time, check them out and their other songs. I love this kind of youth. More power to them.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
If Japanese thinking could meet Western thinking in the right way
Maybe I was fortunate to have had an interesting group of friends while I lived back in Canada. The kinds of people I knew are pretty much the kind of "make it on their own" people, self starters, in other words.
It doesn't just have to be in business or in the world of money making, but the skills that one does learn in doing things and starting thing on their own, most definitely apply here. And the unfortunate thing over here is that I haven't seen too many of those kinds of people in my age group over here. There are the few, but there aren't many.
I don't know if the generalization is true, but in most hierarchal societies, especially asian ones, most things are handed down from the elders to the younger generations. It's called seniority, I guess. And when people are stuck waiting around for something to be passed along to them, I don't think that many paradigm breaking ideas happen in a system like this. You need the idea and maybe go against mainstream conventional thinking, though I must also add that many controversial/revolutionary ideas were born in the same plight.
That isn't to say that most Asian people are like that. I have met many, especially those that are in music, art or some thing other than working your standard run of the mill company that are exactly like the 2 guys in a garage kind of thing. I just don't think I see or feel it in the technology department. These guys are really good at paying attention to details, even really minute ones that your ordinary westerner might pick up on.
But when it comes to systemic improvement, Japan is pretty hard to beat... Germany might be pretty close up there too from the ones that I know too.
If western "open ended" (ie. try crazy but cool things) thinking met the Japanese "improvement" way of thinking. You'd have a pretty hard combination to beat.
Finding the right people and the idea to make the plunge, however it tough, however.
It doesn't just have to be in business or in the world of money making, but the skills that one does learn in doing things and starting thing on their own, most definitely apply here. And the unfortunate thing over here is that I haven't seen too many of those kinds of people in my age group over here. There are the few, but there aren't many.
I don't know if the generalization is true, but in most hierarchal societies, especially asian ones, most things are handed down from the elders to the younger generations. It's called seniority, I guess. And when people are stuck waiting around for something to be passed along to them, I don't think that many paradigm breaking ideas happen in a system like this. You need the idea and maybe go against mainstream conventional thinking, though I must also add that many controversial/revolutionary ideas were born in the same plight.
That isn't to say that most Asian people are like that. I have met many, especially those that are in music, art or some thing other than working your standard run of the mill company that are exactly like the 2 guys in a garage kind of thing. I just don't think I see or feel it in the technology department. These guys are really good at paying attention to details, even really minute ones that your ordinary westerner might pick up on.
But when it comes to systemic improvement, Japan is pretty hard to beat... Germany might be pretty close up there too from the ones that I know too.
If western "open ended" (ie. try crazy but cool things) thinking met the Japanese "improvement" way of thinking. You'd have a pretty hard combination to beat.
Finding the right people and the idea to make the plunge, however it tough, however.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
You don't have forever
If I had kids, this is probably one of the lessons I'd like to teach them, you don't have forever because between now and later, this might be the only chance you're going to get and there might be no going back.
Subconsciously, people do know what they want; ask them out right sometimes, it might not pop out, but given a chance it will come out. Anything that you've wished that you wanted to do, is something that you should be doing. If I were to summarize a huge number of life tragedies, it would be that.
Life works in time windows that you don't realize that they are there until they start closing. You generally can be reckless while young, it might even be expected, but don't expect to be able to do the same thing forever.
A big part of life is knowing how to age, gracefully. If there is something that you know that you ought to be doing, then do it until you don't. Because there are things that you can do now that you can't do later... so don't waste time.
And besides, people that make things happen or can do what they want is sexy.
Subconsciously, people do know what they want; ask them out right sometimes, it might not pop out, but given a chance it will come out. Anything that you've wished that you wanted to do, is something that you should be doing. If I were to summarize a huge number of life tragedies, it would be that.
Life works in time windows that you don't realize that they are there until they start closing. You generally can be reckless while young, it might even be expected, but don't expect to be able to do the same thing forever.
A big part of life is knowing how to age, gracefully. If there is something that you know that you ought to be doing, then do it until you don't. Because there are things that you can do now that you can't do later... so don't waste time.
And besides, people that make things happen or can do what they want is sexy.
Monday, March 01, 2010
What I miss about having roommates
It's been nearly 2 years since I've moved out to the Tokyo area and one of the things I realized that I am starting to miss is having roommates to chat with. What I noticed is the ability to speak well is as good as your ability to keep it sharp; if you stop, it will fade.
Since moving to Tokyo, I am immersed in the Japanese psyche; gone are the days of having international and bilingual Japanese friends. I could switch into English mode whenever I wanted and through that, I've kept my speaking, writing and thinking skills sharp. Having bilingual Japanese friends was also a big help since we could switch back between languages if things got tricky. Though I am pretty proficient at saying what I need to say in Japanese I consider myself far from eloquent in expression. In other words, don't expect any extraordinary oratories from me in Japanese (yet).
I believe that a person's linguistic skills are related to their ability to describe something logically, the succinctness of communication and the detail at which their thoughts are expressed. As it maybe subtle, many important thoughts and interesting conversations are usually the result of good attention to details, especially interesting details, otherwise communication gets boring (as to what would be considered "interesting" is a whole different problem all together, but I will assume that you know what I mean).
If you were to ask a person a simple question, "what do you do on the weekends?" The boring answer would be something like "oh, stuff" or "hang out with friends," which is dull for an answer. I used to chide students learning English conversation from me, "unless you don't like the person you're talking to, you're going to have to give a better response." The more interesting answer would be "I like the out doors and usually go cycling on sunny days to enjoy the good weather," which gives room for the conversation to go somewhere instead of the previous dead-end answer.
Being a good conversationalist depends on avoiding dead-end responses and finding other directions to take the conversation after reaching the end of a train of thought. Good comprehension and cognitive ability to process and respond to information on the fly is also required to hone a skill such as this. However sadly, there is no silver-bullet to getting that silver-tongue. Becoming a good conversationalist is hard and takes a considerable amount of time to be practiced in a second language because it requires a multitude of different skills. On the right topic and the correct frame of mind, I can usually hold a good conversation in Japanese, but if things head into "foreign territory" when I don't have the vocabulary or the understanding to respond appropriately, it gets tough.
The hardest environments to hold a conversation for me is with a medium to large group of Japanese people. Colloquial phrases and cultural references are usually hard to pick up and when the conversation gets exciting, the pace picks up making it harder to follow. It would be like expecting a foreigner to understand what some one means when "they got one upped" and someone else responds "don't worry, you'll take them down." And a dictionary isn't going to help either.
But if you really want to set the bar high and get in with the locals and have an impressive conversation, either through slang or verbal eloquence, it can be quite frustrating not being able to express complicated and detailed ideas in the manner that you are able to do so in your native tongue, even more so if you are very proficient. There has been many instances where I have faced this problem, to at some point where I've given up in some occasions because it would take too much effort. The deciding point is usually between the time it takes for me to explain something to someone with complete satisfaction vs the time I would lose to do something productive.
When one starts to give up on talking because it is tough, it becomes a self-fulling prophecy: the less you talk the harder it becomes to explain something so the the less you talk and so on. I even find myself losing my English proficiency without people to talk to on a regular basis. The prospect of that is freighting so I've decided to try and keep up with my English through writing and thought, this is the biggest thing I've miss about having roommates; having good communication.
Since moving to Tokyo, I am immersed in the Japanese psyche; gone are the days of having international and bilingual Japanese friends. I could switch into English mode whenever I wanted and through that, I've kept my speaking, writing and thinking skills sharp. Having bilingual Japanese friends was also a big help since we could switch back between languages if things got tricky. Though I am pretty proficient at saying what I need to say in Japanese I consider myself far from eloquent in expression. In other words, don't expect any extraordinary oratories from me in Japanese (yet).
I believe that a person's linguistic skills are related to their ability to describe something logically, the succinctness of communication and the detail at which their thoughts are expressed. As it maybe subtle, many important thoughts and interesting conversations are usually the result of good attention to details, especially interesting details, otherwise communication gets boring (as to what would be considered "interesting" is a whole different problem all together, but I will assume that you know what I mean).
If you were to ask a person a simple question, "what do you do on the weekends?" The boring answer would be something like "oh, stuff" or "hang out with friends," which is dull for an answer. I used to chide students learning English conversation from me, "unless you don't like the person you're talking to, you're going to have to give a better response." The more interesting answer would be "I like the out doors and usually go cycling on sunny days to enjoy the good weather," which gives room for the conversation to go somewhere instead of the previous dead-end answer.
Being a good conversationalist depends on avoiding dead-end responses and finding other directions to take the conversation after reaching the end of a train of thought. Good comprehension and cognitive ability to process and respond to information on the fly is also required to hone a skill such as this. However sadly, there is no silver-bullet to getting that silver-tongue. Becoming a good conversationalist is hard and takes a considerable amount of time to be practiced in a second language because it requires a multitude of different skills. On the right topic and the correct frame of mind, I can usually hold a good conversation in Japanese, but if things head into "foreign territory" when I don't have the vocabulary or the understanding to respond appropriately, it gets tough.
The hardest environments to hold a conversation for me is with a medium to large group of Japanese people. Colloquial phrases and cultural references are usually hard to pick up and when the conversation gets exciting, the pace picks up making it harder to follow. It would be like expecting a foreigner to understand what some one means when "they got one upped" and someone else responds "don't worry, you'll take them down." And a dictionary isn't going to help either.
But if you really want to set the bar high and get in with the locals and have an impressive conversation, either through slang or verbal eloquence, it can be quite frustrating not being able to express complicated and detailed ideas in the manner that you are able to do so in your native tongue, even more so if you are very proficient. There has been many instances where I have faced this problem, to at some point where I've given up in some occasions because it would take too much effort. The deciding point is usually between the time it takes for me to explain something to someone with complete satisfaction vs the time I would lose to do something productive.
When one starts to give up on talking because it is tough, it becomes a self-fulling prophecy: the less you talk the harder it becomes to explain something so the the less you talk and so on. I even find myself losing my English proficiency without people to talk to on a regular basis. The prospect of that is freighting so I've decided to try and keep up with my English through writing and thought, this is the biggest thing I've miss about having roommates; having good communication.
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