Knowing when to Quit

I already know that this job isn't what I love doing and spending too much time doing it is going to be a waste of time. There was an article where Steve Jobs had once said some thing to the effect of that if you don't love what you are doing then you are wasting your time. In a sense, it would be like going out with a girl that you kind of liked but never really loved.

I know that spending my time working on working on semiconductor based display systems is not for me. The whole process is slow, boring and repetitious. I don't like slaving over the same boring thing. It's time for me to start working on my exit strategy.

I already know that is it going to be tough for me, with the terrible financial winds blowing my way. I've already lost most of my life savings in the span of half a year. It hurts to see what I wanted to have done all been blown away. Like a beautiful dream being snuffed out of existence. It hurts.

My recovery will have to be on my own. I don't feel comfortable talking to my parent's about any sort of problem. It always feels like they are blaming me for whatever mistake I made. I know that already and that isn't going to help me feel better help fix things. I guess that is one of those things about my relationship with parents. As long as I gave them good results, I wouldn't be bothered by them and I was happy with that.

So here I am, on my own. I'm going to have to get things together.

I'm not going to stay in this company forever, I know that. The management team is inefficient and the communication is not really there. The people there don't feel revolutionary and it show in the products. I don't feel inspired. I have a general idea of what I like, I need to polish up on my skills. When I'm ready, I'm going to catch my break.

This is what I want, I'm not going to be a peon forever.

Reclaiming lost territory

If there is a trend for me this year, it's that my life keeps on going from bad to worse. Atleast the stock market has a bottom, but for me, the bottom seems boundless.

I have managed to wipe out most of my life savings via the stock market and a variety of bad things happening causing me to have more cash wiped out. I am also sick of tired of work. I got a tongue lashing today because one of the bosses wanted a spec sheet for some experiments I was to run.

Some other managers stepped in and told me that since I'm still new around here that I probably wasn't qualified to write one of those so I left it as is. So they tell me that I didn't have to write one. The boss comes to me and bugs me to make one, I ask one of my superiors to help me out, but I just can't get the ball rolling. So today, I had to tell the boss that I didn't have a spec sheet for him.

My day really sucked. I also got to wake up to an e-mail from my brokerage that I hit some margin limit on some options and they automatically liquidated some of my positions for a loss.

My life's just been a shit hitting the fan fest and it's depressing... and there's a lot of things that I can't say because my parents read this blog. The only thing I hear from them are complaints about what I write and I'm sick of it. Bloody sick of it.

I am tired of trying to please people like parents or superiors so I'm not going to try anymore. I'm not looking for a fight but it's time to follow my own conscience, it's time to go my own way. I've lost too much of myself trying to please everybody.... and that's it.